Helpful, Honest Thoughts from a Mom Doing Her Best

June 5, 2017

One of my main motivators in starting Household was to build community and I believe that often times that comes through connecting over the harder moments, not just the bright and shiny highlight reel that we call Instagram. After such a heartwarming response to my honest thoughts on traveling the world, one month in post I decided I would make more of an effort to dig deeper into those tougher emotions we all struggle with. More importantly the emotions that I struggle with so that I can (hopefully) shed some light and be helpful after working through it (although I’m not expert).

Considering the picture perfect pressures of social media, we are often times consumed with finding the right shot over the accurate depiction of a moment. I’ve been there, I’m sure you’ve been there, we certainly aren’t alone in being there. Hell, Instagram’s algorithm even encourages this sort of behavior by decreasing your visibility when you share something out of the norm. Who cares? Well, if you’re running a business like I am silly things like likes and comments do have a place in the success and longevity of your business.

And even if your social media accounts aren’t your business, I understand how shitty this rejection can feel at times. I always feel particularly uneasy whenever I post a solo photo of myself because I know people won’t like it as much as a picture of sweet Owen. Can I blame them?

What becomes tricky, at least for me, is when your personal life is your business. When the moments in your life are suddenly ranked and voted on. I’ve done a good job of keeping this in perspective, but when we started our travels last month I felt truly vulnerable in my business for honestly the first time since I started Household. Making any jump in your business or in your personal life can bring these sorts of feelings on whether there’s validation there or not. And your feelings of insecurity can manifest in a number of ways especially when you’re not feeling supported in your decisions from your loved ones, seeing a decline in business or when good old fashioned self doubt creeps in. I recognize that my business is different from the average Joe, but I don’t believe my feelings are any different than what most people experience when the equivalent happens in their business. In this instance it was as if there was a red flashing light in my face saying, “People aren’t liking what you’re up to Hailey. Panic!”.

Ridiculous right? I’m living my dream life traveling the world with my husband and my beautiful son and still there were feelings of insecurity and fear. It’s making me cringe a little to say, but it’s the truth. It didn’t take long for me to recognize that this behavior was unhealthy. I ranted a bit on here after a couple glasses of wine and feeling like I reached my breaking point, but in all honesty it’s taken me a few weeks since to truly process it, understand why these feelings were coming up and how to deal with it all. After quite a bit of reflection, analyzing the stats and giving myself some necessary space I came to terms with a few things.

1. Comparison is not worth my time. No matter what, there will always be someone who’s prettier, smarter, more successful, a better mother, a better wife, a better friend and the list goes on. This applies to everyone. Think – “The only time you look in your neighbor’s bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don’t look in your neighbor’s bowl to see if you have as much as them.” -Louis C.K.

2. You can only be you, so be the best you, not the best someone else.
Don’t confuse this with being overly self-critical because that’s a dangerous spiral to go down as well, but I genuinely believe you can only compare you to you. Growth is important and essential as a human being so work on it with yourself in mind, no one else.

3. It’s okay to fail. You’ve failed before right? Right? I’m guessing you’re probably okay if you’re reading this too. I’ve failed countless times both in my personal life and my business life and I’m okay. I’m actually better than okay. I think it’s safe to say it just keeps getting better and that every perceived failure has lead me to where I am right now. Zack and I were also very vocal about the worst case scenario if we did fail at this venture and it leads us back to Phoenix with the people who love and support us the most – not horrible if you ask me.

4. Know when enough is enough. I also ranted a little bit about this here, but when you’re growing a business it’s natural to have goals in mind. The idea of I’ll be happy when get to x place is great and incredible motivation, but that shouldn’t be confused with never appreciating the moment. If you remember correctly right where you are is somewhere you hoped for and worked hard to be. Savor it.

5. Get back to what inspires you and naturally you’ll inspire others. It’s really tricky to step outside of the anticipation of what people will think when you’re in a creative field that thrives off of the approval of other people. This is especially true for stand-up comedians, musicians and any other live performers. What’s difficult is that if people know you’re just pleasing the crowd they’ll feel your lack of inauthenticity, and chances are won’t like what you’re dishing out. It’s tough to do, but think about what matters to you, that’s why people are following your work regardless of what you do.

Do you guys have any tricks for staying inspired when vulnerability creeps in?

Leave a Comment

  • That first quote by Louis CK – wow! I’m going to try to remember that one. The one I often think of is “A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It simply blooms”, though I can’t remember who said it.

    I’m sorry to hear you’ve been feeling like this, but I really enjoyed reading your reflections it and I appreciate you sharing it, too. 🙂

    Flora
    http://www.theeverchange.com

    • Hey there Flora,

      Isn’t that such a great quote? I love it so much!

      And thank you. We all go through ups and downs and I’m just happy to be on the other side of these feelings (at least for now).

      Thanks for reading!

  • Yaindy roque

    I think you guys are very brave for leaving everything you know and following your dreams. It might take some people longer to understand that, but I’m sure you guys will be ok. Get out there and have fun, take lots of photos lol and share your experiences with any who wants to read. Remember many of us can only dream of doing what you guys are doing. Hugs

    • Thank you so much! Patience is totally something I need to work on and remember through this process. It’s a totally new change and there’s an inevitable adjustment period for everyone. ❤️

  • I really appreciate your transparency. A lot of your thoughts can resonate with many people, including myself. If I can share any trick for keeping the inspiration flowing when In the midst of feeling vulnerable, is to be honest with myself. I’m all about processing my emotions and not trying to hide them under the carpet, no matter how uncomfortable that may feel. When I start seeing the red flags in my feelings I take time for myself and start looking within myself for the root of the situation. And the real trick would be knowing that as soon as I find the root, I can begin to look for a solution. Finding a solution may be easier if you have a support person, group, or spiritual/core beliefs. And remember that optimism goes a long way. And I’m not saying that people should hide everything under optimism. I’m saying that after we process our emotions, find the root for the problem, we should then look for a solution with optimism; Believing that this was another step forward in this walk of life. Bisous!

    • Belen, thank you so much for this. I completely agree that there’s no benefit in sweeping things under the rug. I think I could be even better about giving myself more space and time when feelings like this arise. Something I’m working on for sure. I love your perspective and agree that optimism goes a long way. So glad this resonated. Thank you so much for reading and sharing here!

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